Addicted or Free

Yesterday morning I had breakfast with two of my dear friends.  We don’t see each other as often as we like, but we seem to pick up right where we left off.  These are the friends who, over time, have built up my trust.  I know I can share the hard things with them and they won’t reveal those discussions with others.

When I’m with these two, the conversation usually gets deep, and it doesn’t take us long to get there.  I love those kinds of talks.  Some people you need to go slowly with, kind of like wading into cold water at the lake.  You tread slowly, first by just getting your feet wet, then a little further, maybe up to your ankles and then knees, before finally getting your whole body wet.  You do this because the water is just too cold and you need to take it slow.  Do you have those type of friends?  With these two, we are able to just dive right in!  We know wherever the wave of the conversation takes us, it will be okay.  We’re safe with each other.

Yesterday was no different.  We shared our fears and struggles; our good news and successes, and we always talk about our personal stumbling blocks.  

Somehow, we got on the subject of addiction and how at times a person can be addicted to a feeling or emotion.  People who are addicted to the dark, heavy things like drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. experience these outside activities taking control over their lives.  Even the softer, more “socially acceptable” addictions like coffee, food, and social media can wreak havoc.  These are not activities engaged in moderation.  The addiction takes control.  

But what about a feeling or emotion?  What if that is the addiction?  What about someone who is addicted to their jealousy, anger, bitterness, fear, pessimism or depression?  They struggle with it all day, every day.  It’s so powerful it takes control. It’s not a feeling or emotional they experience, they live and breathe it.  Just like a drug addict, it’s like a poison they inject into their bloodstream and it soon spreads throughout their whole body.  It is safe to bet we all know someone who suffers from that type of addiction.

I recently heard author Resmaa Menakem on a podcast.  What he said I think is something I think we all need to hear, and embrace as truth.  He said “While we see anger and violence in the streets of our country, the real battlefield is inside our bodies.  If we are to survive as a country, it is inside our bodies where this conflict needs to be resolved.”   

The battlefield is in our body and our mind.  You may have heard the only thing we have control over is ourselves.  Our attitude and reactions, and how we treat others.  This is so true.  We have opportunities to choose every day.  Are we living from an addiction?  Or our freedom? Reacting and living from an addiction often shows up in name-calling, road rage, judgement, hatred of ourselves and of those we see as “the other.”  Being free almost always shows up as love: responding with care, empathy, compassion and forgiveness. 

We get to choose how we are going to show up.  

Addicted or free.