In early January I started reading Brene’ Brown’s newest book, Atlas of the Heart. I haven’t finished it yet but it is one I highly recommend. She wrote the book because of how difficult and challenging it can be at times to find the right language for the emotions we are experiencing.
Fifteen years ago, Brene’ and her team asked participants in a training workshop to list all of the emotions they could recognize as they were experiencing them. Long story short, the average number of emotions identified were three: happy, sad and angry.
She says “When we don’t have the language to talk about what we’re experiencing, our ability to make sense of what’s happening and share it with others is severely limited.” I get that. There have been many times I’m feeling an emotion in my body and I just can’t name it. It’s like a sort of “buzz” right under my skin…I feel it, I know it’s there, but I can’t describe that feeling adequately or accurately. When I feel like that, I want to crawl out of my skin or run away from myself but I can’t! I’m usually not even able to have a coherent conversation, in my own mind or with someone else as to what’s going on inside. Have you ever experienced that? Talking to yourself in your own mind and falling short of coming to a sensible conclusion? However, once I am able to better pinpoint what the feeling or emotion is, the buzzing calms down. I have more understanding and clarity and am more able to convey what I’m really feeling, even to myself.
In her book, she dissects, discusses, and shares some personal stories of eighty-seven, yes EIGHTY-SEVEN emotions.
Today, I’m going to share one: bittersweet. Brene’ defines it as “a mixed feeling of happiness and sadness.” Ah yes, I know that one well. It’s a feeling I’m becoming more and more acquainted with.
Two months ago, I left the group I had worked with for the past 36 years. I always thought I would retire there, but the physical demands of the job became too much. I knew I needed to do something different. I found a position that I feel God has been preparing me for. A job I really enjoy, even though it has its own challenges. Changing jobs really was bittersweet. I was leaving a career I had built, my comfort zone and traveling into unknown territory. I was sad leaving my co-workers and friends, some I had worked with for 20-30+ years, but happy to have found a position that I believed would be a good fit for me, and new co-workers who I admire and enjoy working with.
Another bittersweet moment is fast approaching. Our son is moving out of our house, moving to a new town, new state and will be a little over 2 hours away. While I am happy for him to be spreading his wings and moving out of our “nest,” I’m going to miss him being here. I’m often more light-hearted when he’s around, probably because of his ability to make me laugh.
Thankfully, I know I will survive this because I have experience with it. Our daughter has moved away, twice. It wasn’t easy watching her go, especially because I can’t just hop in the car and drive to see her. She’s 1600 miles away and a car ride to her would mean a lot of planning plus three days of cross-country travel. She and I text and talk often, and thank goodness for Facetime! But even Facetime is bittersweet. It makes feeling connected with her much more of a possibility. It allows me to see her facial expressions during our talks, but at the same time, there are days I’d like to crawl right through that camera app and hug my baby girl!
Becoming “empty-nesters” will be bittersweet as well, I imagine. I know nothing will ever be the same. Our children may come and visit, but we will no longer be a family of four under one roof. That does make me sad. There are, however, parts of it I am looking forward to. I’m curious to see how my husband and I navigate this phase of our lives. I also enjoy my quiet times at home. And I’m not a big fan of cooking, so this is one less person to feed.
I will leave you with a quote from Brene’s book, and hope this post has you pondering your own experiences with this emotion. Feel free to share your thoughts, and this blog post with others.
“The bittersweet side of appreciating life’s most precious moments is the unbearable awareness that those moments are passing.” Marc Parent
Lisamkurtz.com 