At this point in my life, my favorite Bible verse is Psalm 46:40 “Be Still and Know That I am God.” I think one of the reasons is because I have been practicing that more in the last few years.
What I have found is that for me to feel calm and have more inner strength, my “be still time” as I like to call it, is vital. If I go too long without it, I experience more anxiety and more of not feeling like myself. It sits just inside of me, like I’ve got hundreds of Mexican jumping beans bouncing around underneath my skin.
It is during my “be still time” that I am better able to hear the messages God wants for me to hear. It doesn’t happen every time, but when it does, it is usually profound for me and I journal it.
It was a while ago when I quieted myself and told God I hated all the “why’s” in life. There are so many!!
I visualized a huge glacier in the ocean with the majority of the ice underneath. On top of the water, the small peak, was my Trust. Underneath the water was the enormity of the glacier, representing all my unanswered “why’s.” So many more “why’s” than trust! I also pictured all the “why’s” as burrs that are sticking to me. They are prickly and uncomfortable and I want them off.
I said a few prayers and then envisioned me standing with Jesus and both of us together looking at all of these burrs. I told Jesus I hated all of the “why’s” and then I even asked, why do I hate them?
What I could sense Jesus telling me is that it is all related to control. I want and like to have everything in a neat little box, all tidy and nice. All of the unanswered “why’s” are like chaos inside of my mind. He then brought to my awareness – what if I did have all the answers to the “why’s?” What would my life be like? And, what if others knew I had all the answers to life’s “why’s?” I would never be left alone – people would be after me all the time wanting to know the answers to their own “why’s.” I would then be like God and I realized I did not want that. I want and need my peace.
After this Jesus and I stood next to each other, again looking at all the “why” burrs sticking to me. They were still there. But I was just standing there, calm and comfortable, not trying to frantically remove them.
It’s been several months since I journaled this. Looking back, I think that it has really helped me. I realize that when I am struggling with something, knowing the answer to the why of it won’t change the fact that I need to deal with it. A personal example is having surgery on my thumb seven months ago. The healing process has taken so much longer than I anticipated and apparently, I am one of those people who may experience residual discomfort. For how long? I have no idea. But even if the doctor could give me an exact reason why, it would not change the fact that I need to learn to deal with this issue and make accommodations for it.
I’m thankful for the lesson that “be still time” gave me. It is serving me well.
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