Permission Granted

The other day, I was getting ready to tell my husband something I had done, and I prefaced it with “now don’t get mad at me.” After I told him what it was, I changed my mind and said “actually, it’s okay if you are angry.”

He did say what I had done wasn’t a big deal and he was not mad. He then asked me why I had changed what I had said.

I told him I realized my statement was asking him to deny a feeling that could cause me to feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to fall into the trap I have in the past, and we see too often, where we are not allowing each other to have the feelings we have.

How often has someone told you not to feel sad or maybe angry, those feelings that often seem more unacceptable? How often have you said that to someone else? I know there were times I have, and still catch myself doing.

The truth is, we all have feelings we are going to feel, whether we want to or not. When we are told by others or even ourselves, that we should not feel certain feelings, that doesn’t mean they are going to go away. If we don’t acknowledge our feelings or even deny their existence, they often get trapped inside our bodies.

The challenge is to allow and accept the feelings without letting them rule our behavior. A challenge as old as time. History books, as well as our own personal and family history, is filled with accounts of people who have led with their emotions instead of wisdom.

Until we can encourage and permit each other to have our feelings, and learn how to express them in a healthy way, this world is not going to change. History will just continue to repeat itself.

We need to grant each other, and ourselves, that permission.