A safe haven is a place you can go where you feel safe and protected. If we are lucky, for most of us our homes are a safe haven. Unfortunately, that is not true for everyone.
Looking back at my own childhood, I’m not sure I thought of my home as a safe haven. I remember feeling frightened when my dad got angry and I learned to steer clear. Fortunately, as he grew older he mellowed, was softer and he became a safe haven for me.
As an adult, I loved going to my parents home and would often go there when I needed to feel safe, not because I was actually “unsafe” or in danger in any way. It was more a feeling that no matter what was going on in my life, being there with them I felt wrapped up in love. Even if they were crabby themselves, or bickering like long married couples do, they were genuinely happy for me to be there. I also believe when I left, they were ready to have their home to themselves, back to the quietness and routine of just the two of them.
While a home or a physical location can be a safe haven, I think it is more so that people can be. I think it takes some time and attention to decipher who is and is not safe, not only in the big world, but in our own little world or environment. Hopefully you have developed a quick sense of who is trustworthy and who is not.
Safe people are those that when you’ve shared something of yourself with them, they don’t judge or ridicule you, or carelessly tell it to others. The shared piece of yourself is held like a treasure. They genuinely want the absolute best for you.
I think we can also be a safe haven for ourselves. When something is revealed to me, either by some introspection or someone else sharing it with me, am I able to safely receive it? If I have a reaction of self-loathing or judgement, perhaps denial and anger, do I feel safe? It takes some practice as well as effort to create that safe place within ourselves, so that when things happen we can sit with and examine it, and give ourselves some self-compassion and time to see what comes of it.
As you ponder the people in your life that are safe for you, I hope you can include yourself.
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