I think there’s a misconception out in parenting land that once your children are grown up and gone, the hard work is done and it’s all smooth sailing from then on out. Um, no. I beg to differ.
I no longer feel the need to guide and direct my children on the many decisions they need to make or what to do. Thankfully my children are smart and have pretty good common sense. What I find difficult is wanting to shield them from all things that could cause them pain or heartbreak.
I often reflect back on my own parents; they did not get overly involved in their adult children’s lives or choices, but were always there when we needed them. They gave us the freedom to make our own decisions and navigate both the good and bad consequences of them.
I was not prepared, however, for how as a parent it would feel to watch my own children embark on that journey. I remember thinking did I teach them enough, prepare them enough for what life “out there” is like. I wish my parents were still here for me to go to, to ask questions and seek support and understanding.
I’ve been honest with both of my children about the process of letting them go…to grow up, move out and begin to live their own lives. I told them no one prepared me it was going to be a challenge.
My daughter recently mentioned another facet of adult families – what happens when the kids grow up and are no longer under one roof? She said when she was young, she thought her dad, brother and I would always be this tight knit little unit. She is now realizing that when children grow up and move out, especially if their move is of greater distance, it’s harder to keep those bonds as tight. She hadn’t expected that.
It made me realize I had never thought of that either. I believe if we do the work to stay connected, and we add in a lot of love and acceptance, we can all grow and stretch and the ties of family will always stay intact.
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