R&R

R&R is military slang and the abbreviation for rest and recuperation, or rest and recreation, a time when soldiers had free time and a much-deserved break in their duties.

However, I am referring to two different “R” words.  I’m reading a book called Redeeming Heartache (by Dan Allender & Cathy Loerzel). I recently came across the sentence “the highest calling is the ability to restore and repair.”  I read that a few times and even highlighted it.

In our lives and especially our relationships, there is not enough emphasis placed on this skill.  Many people are more focused on proving they are right rather than making things right.  And by that, I mean doing the work to restore and repair the cracks and wounds our words and actions may create.

When I know I’ve messed up, I try to own that and take steps to make it right.  It can be scary work.  Most of us tend to get defensive and explain why we said or did what we did. We don’t like messing up or being wrong.  Maybe we actually are “right” but how we convey or deliver it is wrong.  If it is, we need to restore and repair.  Relationships will get stronger, especially when both parties are doing this.

I can look back at some instances in my life I’ve had to “R&R”…as a child, as a friend, as a wife and as a parent.  As much as I want to think I’ve mastered this skill, I know I haven’t.  I think those closest to me, those relationships I value the most, know I’m willing to have those hard conversations if and when needed.  

It’s also important to remember, after the repair and restore work, to allow some space and time for healing to occur.  We human beings are impatient, and often the work of undoing and repairing doesn’t happen overnight.  We may need to consistently show that the other has been seen and heard.  

I think what I most need to remind myself is not to make being perfect the goal in my relationships. The truth is perfection is impossible. 

This is my hope for myself and others: if the ongoing practice is to restore and repair, all our relationships will be strengthened.