Practice Makes Perfect

This is a well-known phrase, and I’m sure many of you have heard it.  Practice makes perfect.  But does it?  Does practice really make perfect?  And what is the focus on those three words.  Most often I believe it’s the last word: perfect.  

Perfectionism is a trait that trips many of us up.  I know it’ something I still struggle with.  I grew up having perfectionistic tendencies. Looking back, I thought if I looked and acted perfectly, pretended everything in my life was perfect, I would be safe.  Safe from teasing or bullying from other kids in school, safe from getting in trouble with my parents, but maybe more importantly, safe from myself.  Safe from my own self-criticism, self-doubt, and not liking myself.  Did it work? Not all the time.

A pivot point for me was about five or six years ago when I read The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene’ Brown. My daughter had bought the book and what caught my eye were the words underneath the title: let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.  I was looking to feel more grounded, centered, and whole.  Without realizing it, what I was really striving for was to feel at home in my own skin. I asked her if I could read it, and ended up buying my own copy so I could highlight the heck out of it.   

Reading the book, I felt like I had opened up this hidden space inside of myself that I didn’t even know was there.  I discovered I could be imperfect and still feel worthy of love and belonging.  Not only to feel that from others, but more importantly, to feel it from myself.  That was a game changer.  I’ve read the book twice now, using different colored highlighters each time.  I’ll probably read it again.  I still struggle at times, and I’ve even joked that I want to do imperfection perfectly.  Ugh!  Will I ever learn?  

All joking aside, it has been the beginning of a transformation for me.   

I think it’s because my focus has changed.  It has changed from the word perfect to the actual practice.  My goal is no longer perfection.  I now pay attention to the practice…the things I do, the words I speak, how I treat others and how I also treat myself.  I try to be much kinder and gentler to myself. I list daily things I am grateful for. I’m learning to be more aware of the things that trigger me into making decisions that aren’t good for me.  I’m getting better at observing my thoughts and where they take me.  I’m more deliberate in what I read and listen to, and I’m learning to not run from things that are different and make me uncomfortable.  The other thing I’m practicing is to not freak out when dealing with uncertainty and all the things I can’t control.  The opportunities to practice that are there – every single day. 

Why am I doing all of this?  The more I can practice being uncomfortable and not trying to control everything, the better prepared I am to handle life’s curves.  I used to avoid the feelings that were hard for me to experience, like anger, sadness and frustration.  I’m getting better at recognizing them and allowing myself to feel them for a time, and then I try to shoo them on their way.  But let’s face it, I’m only human and sometimes all I want to do (and at times end up doing) is sitting in my recliner and numbing myself with Netflix.  

I’m not giving up though. I continue to practice, no longer focusing on the end-goal but more on movement. I’m less concerned about perfection.

Instead of practice makes perfect, I like to think practice makes…possible.  And what is possible?  Anything.  Maybe even everything.