Quiet Confidence

I came across something I wrote in my journal almost two years ago.  I had come across those two words, “quiet confidence” along with gratitude. 

I wrote about my desire to have that as my starting point rather than fear and effort.  Back then, I knew this was something I needed to sit with and give myself time and to let it find its place in my heart.  

When I hear something new, I admit I tend to want to think a lot about it and understand it completely.  That’s the fear and effort coming into play.  The focus is on me and my ability.  After reading about and pondering quiet confidence and gratitude, I starting to think about it differently.  Instead of being afraid of what I don’t know or understand and then putting more “thought” effort into figuring it all out, could I just tell God how grateful I am for His love and care for me and have the quiet confidence that it will all work out?

I was able to practice that earlier this week.  Something happened that got me pretty fired up, as well as feeling all closed up inside.  I work hard at practicing letting go of the things I have no control over, that helps my heart stay open and free.  That evening, I wasn’t even thinking about any of that.  After spending a few hours of trying to figure out how to manipulate the outcome, I eventually chose to do a little reading, praying and then to sleep on it. 

I admit to not feeling much gratitude that night.  I was feeling a little stuck in “this isn’t right” and how do I navigate my emotions and reactions when I believe this.  I got out a book that talks about letting go when events get me all stirred up inside and how my heart and body feels when that happens.  I imagine holding one of those snow globes that when you shake it, the snow is flying around everywhere.  This certainly was shaking up my emotional snow globe.  How could I calm that internal storm?  That little bit of reading set the stage for me to quiet my heart a bit before trying to sleep. 

I awoke the next morning with my heart not so heavy and closed.  I haven’t changed my mind in how “not right” the situation is.  I just decided I want to live in the freedom I feel when I choose to not allow the event or circumstance to repeatedly shake up my snow globe.  It was then I was able to feel gratitude and live in the quiet confidence that it will all work out.