Visual Acuity

I recently experienced some vision problems. But not with my physical eyes. It’s been more of a spiritual/emotional blurriness.

My family recently went on an extended family vacation. We had a lot of fun and I enjoyed getting to hang out with some in the family I don’t get to see that often. Upon my return home, circumstances continued that kept me from returning to a more normal routine. I now realize, routines help me stay focused.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know I strive to accept the messiness of life, and to be okay with uncertainty and change. I admit, humbly, that this time I was having a harder time.

It’s taken me a few days to even gather my thoughts enough to make sense out of it. Have you ever looked through the wrong end of a pair of binoculars? If not, try it sometime. Everything seems so far away it is nearly impossible to understand what you’re seeing. That’s how I felt, like my fulcrum was so far away I could not grasp it. I was struggling to get my bearings, to feel that balance.

Today I was reading through an old journal and noticed a quote at the top of the page by Rainer Maria Rilke. It said “Let everything happen to you: Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” The last two things are what I really needed to hear. Just keep going and no feeling is final.

Reading this was like turning the binoculars around and helping me see things differently, gaining a little perspective. I was able to get closer to my center of gravity, that place where I know that even when things are not going the way I planned or expected, it’s going to be okay.

I know I’m not all the way there yet, but just leaning on my past experiences of “this too shall pass” helps clarify the blurred edges of life.