There is a saying that we are our own worst enemy. I think that most of us can relate to some degree. But what about being an ally? An ally is someone who stands with you during the dark and difficult times, to provide help and encouragement. Can we do that for ourselves? If we aren’t, how can we expect others to?
We can start by understanding our own autonomy. We have the right, and responsibility, to direct our own lives independently of someone else controlling us. With that responsibility comes the reality that we must accept the outcome of our choices as well.
Why is it then that so many people are unhappy?
I think a lot of it happens to do with control and change. Most of us simply do not like change and the fact that we cannot control it. Instead, we fight it.
I’ve heard it said that the greatest source of suffering is our refusal to accept what we can’t change (and control). When we can’t change (and control) it, the resistance arises and we struggle to admit the truth that we have no control. We feel powerless to change the reality of a situation, which so often leads to our unhappiness.
I read something recently in a book about grief that jumped out at me. It stated “it takes great courage to surrender and work WITH the changes and not against them.” That means focusing on the only thing I do have control over…which is myself and how I react and respond to things.
I have had some practice with this and can attest to the truth of what happens when I can let go of trying to change and fix something external that I can’t. When I can detach myself from the outcome and emotional drain of whatever the issue is, and show up being the person I want to be in the midst of a situation that isn’t what I want it to be, that is me working WITH myself and not against.
Then I become my best ally.
