Refills, please!

Are you a glass half full or half empty kind of person? 

Me personally, I’m a glass half full type.  I would much prefer to find and look for the positive in a situation.  It might not happen immediately, as sometimes I will have a quick knee-jerk reaction to something, but once I have a bit of time, I tend to look for the positive.  I am able to do this…most of the time.

What got me thinking about this is that I recently came across a quote, author unknown, that said “People who wonder whether the glass is half full miss the point.  The glass is refillable.”

I can just hear those in the pessimist club argue that when it’s gone, it’s gone…whatever “it” is. 

I think, however, the author of the quote is on to something.  Perhaps we tend to look at the amount in the glass as a set amount and not something that can change. 

The reason this quote resonated with me is it gave me a different lens on a few areas of my life where I struggle with the “glass half empty” feeling.  It made me realize that although I want more in certain cups, and what I would really like is for one or two cups to be filled to the brim, I can take steps to pour into the glass.  Yes, others can pour into the cup but ultimately, it’s up to me.  I need to remind myself that it doesn’t have to be a huge amount, as long as I am consistently pouring into the cup, it won’t be depleted.  

So yes, I would like a refill.

Little Edens


As I was reading in one of my devotionals this week, the daily entry spoke of creating little Edens wherever we live. 

I’ve re-read this particular book over the past few years.  I should no longer be surprised when something strikes me in a way it has not before, like this entry did.  I know it’s often because of where my head and heart are at that particular moment.

Most people think of Eden as the garden in the Bible where Adam and Eve first lived.  It was known to be a place of natural beauty and paradise. 

As I read it this year, I sensed that perhaps little Edens aren’t always a place, maybe it could be a feeling we have that surrounds us unexpectedly.  Where, for just a moment or two, longer if we’re lucky, our heart swells with a love and joy that cannot be described or put into words.  It can only be felt.  When it washes over us, we feel just a bit lighter.  I knew I was on the right track when the I saw one of the definitions of Eden as often being an imaginary place or state of utter perfection and happiness.

I began looking back at just a few of my little Edens: a beautiful sunset, baby elephants, the renewal of life each spring, gifts of unexpected time, the birth of my children, random acts of kindness, laughing until I cry, the little noises newborn babies make, puppies and kittens, and times when I’m with someone and our conversation and connection leave us both feeling seen, heard and accepted.

As you go about your days, I encourage you to also be on the lookout for when an Eden moment comes, taking you by surprise.  Accept and cherish it for the gift it is.

Flying Lessons


I heard someone say recently that a bird sitting on a branch does not trust that the branch won’t break.  The bird’s trust lies in the strength of its own wings.   The speaker was inferring we has humans need that same trust in ourselves.

I immediately resonated with that.  And let’s be honest…some of the hard gusts of life often knock us right off our branch. 

Birds make flying look effortless.  But they too, had to learn to fly by practice.  The little bird often starts by standing in their nest and flapping their wings, sometimes even lifting off the nest a few inches.  Eventually, when it appears their wings are strong enough, the parents may stop feeding them which prompts the fledglings to leave the nest in order to forage for their own food. 

If you are a parent of an older child, I’m sure you can relate.

The older, and hopefully wiser I get, I realize that all those hard things I’ve gone through are the practice I needed to help me develop stronger wings.  And I admit there are times I wish I could go back to the nest and just hunker down to avoid the gusts. We all know life isn’t always easy, carefree and fun.  And people aren’t always kind, caring or even safe.  

Really, though, all of life is a series of lessons in flying.  The ups and downs of our daily lives provide continued opportunities to test and strengthen our wings. 

And if we’ve practiced and learned to trust that strength…we’ll soar.

The Making of Memories

Not too long ago, a memory popped up on my Facebook page.  It was from seven years ago when my son was in high school and I took him back to school shopping.  The post was about how much I enjoyed our time together. 

There is a lot of research and science about memories, how they are made and sadly, how they are lost, especially with the increase in life expectancy and a rise in dementia related conditions. 

But that isn’t what this post is about.

I’ve always enjoyed having one-on-one time with each of my children.  I wanted them to know when we were together, all of my focus was on them and our time.  So, when that memory popped up on my Facebook feed, although I could not recall anything specific about the day, what I do remember is how I felt.  I’m sure we laughed.  A lot.  And probably, knowing my son, it was at my expense. 

I hope to pass on to both of my children the importance of making memories.  It’s not only the specifics of the activity or the details of the time spent that is important. Maybe what is more important is how the memories make them, and others, feel.  We should all have the opportunity to spend time with someone that the memories that stay with us make us feel happy, important, safe and loved. 

I think Maya Angelou said it best in her well-known quote “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I will be forever grateful for those kinds of memories.

Guard Duty

Shortly after I wrote my last blog post, I was reading a devotion and came across the well-known bible verse about taking every thought captive.  I’m sure I’ve heard and read that verse many times before, however, this time it landed differently. 

I think in the past I interpreted the verse to mean I should not allow certain thoughts to even come into my mind.  But thoughts are funny things…most of them show up unbidden…some are often entirely unwanted. 

This time, I had an “aha” moment.  I think it’s nearly impossible to stop some thoughts from coming in, the key is to be a diligent guard.  If the role of a guard is to maintain order and promote safety, I then have a duty to pay attention to the thoughts that show up.  Some thoughts just won’t serve me well, and could even try to hurt me or others, especially if they are hostile and include judgement.

When those types of thoughts come, I want to be on guard and recognize them for what they are.  Instead of attempting to banish the thought from even arriving (near impossible), I can name it for what it is and send it away.  If I don’t do that, the thought could set up camp in my mind and invite others to join in, possibly creating a little gang of nasty thoughts to entice me to act in ways that aren’t aligned with who I aim, and claim, to be.  No thanks.

Just as in anything worthwhile, guarding my thoughts takes awareness and practice and definitely worth the effort.    

Tuning In

We tend to tune out certain things we hear over and over.  The word mindfulness is one of those words.  Especially if we aren’t sure exactly what it means. 

One definition I’ve heard it mean is paying attention to our thoughts and feelings.  We tend to let them roam freely in our mind and then too often react to them. 

I recently listened to a podcast author describe mindfulness in a different way.  She said that mindfulness could mean we have a healthier relationship with our thoughts and feelings. 

I considered that for a moment and can see the value in looking at it that way. 

How often have you witnessed someone not have a healthy relationship with a thought or feeling?  If you’re with family, at work, in a public place or even driving down the road, you may easily spot someone whose relationship with their thoughts or feelings is certainly not healthy.  They are the ones who are angry, inconsiderate, and if driving, possibly cutting someone off or offering a specific type of hand gesture.

Why is that?  I think it often boils down to not liking something the other person did or said, or we took personal offense by.  We then find the need to act upon the feelings.

However, when we deliberately pay attention and observe what is going on inside our minds, we have a better chance of acting in alignment with who and how we want to be, rather than speaking or reacting on impulse.

I’ve recently been struggling with being really annoyed with someone.  It all boils down to our different personalities and could be a barrier for me to live in my personal value of practicing authentic kindness.  My annoyance makes it hard!  And then I feel annoyed at myself for being annoyed!  UGH!

The important thing to me is that I’m aware of this.  By paying attention to this feeling, I know it exists and because of this, I don’t have to react or behave in a way that goes against who I really want to be. 

That’s tuning in.

M&M

The other day I was looking for something to watch that would not demand my focused attention.  I often like to have something to listen to while sitting at my craft station.  I randomly selected A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, the movie about Mr. Fred Rogers. 

As often happens in a book or movie, some phrase can be said that makes me stop and re-read or rewind, giving me another chance to let it settle into my thoughts and mind. 

This movie was no exception.  It’s a story based upon an article in Esquire Magazine about American Heroes.  Mr. Rogers was selected and the movie is about the man who interviewed him and how meeting him and writing the article changed the writer.  What’s not shared is how the two then developed a lasting friendship until Fred Rogers passed away in 2003.

In the movie, Mr. Rogers mentions the subject of death and how often we avoid talking about it.  He said death is human and “anything human is mentionable – and anything mentionable is manageable.”  That was my rewind…twice.

Hearing that really resonated with me.  Perhaps because I’ve had some experience with things being left unsaid that need saying. 

Humans often tend to feel like they are the only ones experiencing something, which may lead to silence.  The more we are afraid to speak about some things, those things can get bigger in our minds and sometimes scarier to talk about.  Once I can speak about it, its power over me, and my fear, almost always lessen.

I think and hope we can get better at this.  We all need a safe person and a safe place to share our fears and scary thoughts.  Once we can speak about them, we can begin to deal with and manage them.

Thus, my M&M title.  I think every time I eat an M&M, I will think of this.

Chutes and Ladders

I was watching a popular PBS television series recently and one of the characters said how sometimes we need a ladder person to help us achieve our potential.  One of their family members, unbeknownst to the rest of them, had done that for someone.

That scene sat with me for a few days and then I thought about the classic children’s board game that came out in the 1940’s, Chutes and Ladders. 

In the game, each person spins an arrow on a spinner and whatever number they land on is how many squares their playing piece moves.  If they land on a square that contains the first rung of a ladder, the player advances a few or even several squares, elevating their position in the game to possibly become the winner by being the first player to land on the final square. 

However, the spin could also have the player land on a chute.  This causes them to slide back down a few or even a whole bunch of squares.  The chutes and ladders are of different sizes, so how far someone advances or falls varies.

If we’re lucky, we’ve had someone in our life assist us by providing a ladder opportunity, or be the ladder to help us achieve our potential or goal. 

I know I have.  Years ago, after I started the process to begin formal training to perform ultrasounds, our local school closed.  Someone I worked with saw my desire and potential and trained me on the job.  It was hard work, but I achieved my goal and had a very successful twenty-three-year career before moving on to a different path.  What she did for me and my family is something I treasure and will never be forgotten.

Ladder people could also be someone who is generous in their kindness and caring and that alone elevates us.  I hope you have a few of those in your life.  On the flip side, we probably have “chute” people in our lives that sometimes bring us down.    

I encourage you, in the game of life, strive to be a ladder person. 

TROUBLEMAKERS

Chances are, what comes to your mind when you see this word is a person.  Someone who bugs you or seems to make your life difficult. 

I assure you I can very quickly come up with a name or two myself. 

I’m going to flip this a bit.  I was reading about someone who had a friend, a good friend, who challenged his thinking.  He said this friend was not a troublemaker, but he did cause “good trouble.” 

So, what is trouble?  One definition from my trusty dictionary app says it is unrest or disturbance.  Yes, that fits what this person was talking about.  His good friend was causing a disturbance in his thinking or belief about something.

I know a few people who have done that for me.  They’ve said or questioned something that goes against what my thought or feeling was and my initial reaction is usually being uncomfortable.  Probably because there is a part of me that wants to keep a steady grip on that thought or belief and not admit there could be other possibilities.  

Do I think a certain way because that’s what I was taught, do I really believe it and have I ever even asked myself?  I want to explore the other side of me that wants to remain open and not be too afraid to really look at and question my beliefs.  I want to make my own decision.

I’m not suggesting that people quickly change their core values or foundational beliefs when they hear opposing thoughts.  I do believe, however, that not every single thing is black or white.  There is a whole lot of gray in the world. 

I believe we can have a better, kinder world.  The more we can get people to just listen, hear each other’s stories and allow themselves to feel some disturbance, the closer we can get to that world.

Cheers to the good troublemakers.

R&R

R&R is military slang and the abbreviation for rest and recuperation, or rest and recreation, a time when soldiers had free time and a much-deserved break in their duties.

However, I am referring to two different “R” words.  I’m reading a book called Redeeming Heartache (by Dan Allender & Cathy Loerzel). I recently came across the sentence “the highest calling is the ability to restore and repair.”  I read that a few times and even highlighted it.

In our lives and especially our relationships, there is not enough emphasis placed on this skill.  Many people are more focused on proving they are right rather than making things right.  And by that, I mean doing the work to restore and repair the cracks and wounds our words and actions may create.

When I know I’ve messed up, I try to own that and take steps to make it right.  It can be scary work.  Most of us tend to get defensive and explain why we said or did what we did. We don’t like messing up or being wrong.  Maybe we actually are “right” but how we convey or deliver it is wrong.  If it is, we need to restore and repair.  Relationships will get stronger, especially when both parties are doing this.

I can look back at some instances in my life I’ve had to “R&R”…as a child, as a friend, as a wife and as a parent.  As much as I want to think I’ve mastered this skill, I know I haven’t.  I think those closest to me, those relationships I value the most, know I’m willing to have those hard conversations if and when needed.  

It’s also important to remember, after the repair and restore work, to allow some space and time for healing to occur.  We human beings are impatient, and often the work of undoing and repairing doesn’t happen overnight.  We may need to consistently show that the other has been seen and heard.  

I think what I most need to remind myself is not to make being perfect the goal in my relationships. The truth is perfection is impossible. 

This is my hope for myself and others: if the ongoing practice is to restore and repair, all our relationships will be strengthened.